90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
