just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
