your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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