I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
