were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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