I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
