Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
