just tell him i said nine months
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
