Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
