Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
