A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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