And the cops told us we were all naked.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
