Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
