the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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