i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
