my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
