We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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