Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
