theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
