she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
