woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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