i think my mom watched the whole time
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
