You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
