She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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