STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
