Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
