so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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