I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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