she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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