This girl is more easily done than said...
zippers are such a cool invention
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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