just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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