How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
