i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
