1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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