Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
