Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
