we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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