The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
