tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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