Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
