Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
