I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
