Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
