I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
