you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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