Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
