i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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