God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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