Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
