I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
