I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
